Thread: Cats must...

* ...act like they are dying of hunger in front of humans.
* ...activate "the paw" when there is food within snagging distance.
* ...attack incoming faxes and chew them so that the humans can't read them.
* ...attack the answering machine and purr all over it.
* ...attack their human's shoelaces when she is tying them.
* ...balance their 25 pound body on their human's full bladder.
* ...barf up hairballs on the human's computer keyboard.
* ...bite the legs of anyone who comes out of the shower.
* ...bite their sister's butt until she hisses.
* ...bring live snakes into the house.
* ...catch mice to give to the dog to eat.
* ...charge themselves with static electricity and zap their sleeping human at 2 am.
* ...chase the humans while they are carrying a full laundry basket.
* ...claim the cream cheese and lox bagel on the kitchen table as their own.
* ...climb into their human's dropped briefs while he is sitting on the toilet.
* ...climb on the lap of any human who is using a laptop computer.
* ...climb on top of the fridge and knock the magnets off.
* ...climb the wallpaper in their human's new house.
* ...climb their human's leg to get tuna fish or pancakes.
* ...cling to the outside of the screen door at eye level and howl.
* ...commence biting their human's toes when she exits the shower.
* ...crawl into open suitcase to help humans pack.
* ...crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes.
* ...cuddle their human's dress shoes and drool in them.
* ...destroy a toy the first time they play with it.
* ...display their worm collection on the kitchen floor on a rainy night.
* ...drag dirty socks out of the laundry basket and bury them in the litter box.
* ...drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night.
* ...drag knitting around the house, unravelling it in the process.
* ...drag the apple peels out of the garbage to play with them.
* ...drag their butt on the carpet after exiting the litter box.
* ...drink the bathwater while their human is taking a bath.
* ...drool in their sleeping human's ear.
* ...eat all random things they find on the floor.
* ...faithfully chase the cursor around the screen.
* ...fall asleep on the human's back or chest.
* ...fart in front of the human's friends. Nobody ever believes it is the cat.
* ...groom the humans at 2 a.m.
* ...groom their private parts in front of company.
* ...groom their private parts while their humans are trying to eat.
* ...growl and hiss at the German Shepherd next door causing him to pee.
* ...gulp down their dinner at lightning speed, and then barf it up.
* ...hack up the world's largest hairball on the human's new futon.
* ...have one of the freshly-baked cookies cooling on the table.
* ...head butt the control pad/joystick when the human is 10 seconds away from winning.
* ...help the human with the jigsaw puzzles.
* ...hide in the kitchen drawers and jump out at the human.
* ...hold the pen in their mouth while their human is trying to write.
* ...hook a claw into the human's nostril to wake her up on weekends.
* ...ignore their new toys but suddenly realize the new toy is quite interesting at 3 a.m.
* ...interfere with the broom when the human is sweeping the floor.
* ...jump into the chair whenever the human gets up to do something.
* ...jump off the top of the cat tree onto the bed and/or its occupants.
* ...jump onto the human's lap immediately prior to the commercial breaks.
* ...jump onto the human's stomach when he is taking a nap.
* ...jump onto the kitchen counter and make off with the roast chicken.
* ...jump onto the table to eat cantaloupe if no one gives them a piece.
* ...jump onto the toilet seat just as their human is sitting down.
* ...knock over the stacks of CDs.
* ...knock pennies off the nightstand at 3 a.m.
* ...knock the phone off the hook to hear the neat beep-beep-beep noise.
* ...knock their toys under the refrigerator.
* ...knock things off the coffee table so they can lie down more comfortably.
* ...leap from great heights onto to their seated human's genital region.
* ...leave paw prints and hair on the toilet seat.
* ...lick all the glue off of all of the envelopes.
* ...lick the cheese from the grater when the human's back is turned.
* ...lick the faucet to encourage their human to turn on the drinking water.
* ...lick the humans' eyes while they are trying to sleep.
* ...lie down with their butt in the human's face.
* ...lie next to their human's ear and purr loudly.
* ...lie on clean laundry just after its been folded.
* ...lie on their human's face in the middle of the night.
* ...lie under the coffee table and hiss at all guests.
* ...lurk under the bed and pounce on the unsuspecting human's feet.
* ...make long-distance calls at 2 a.m. by dancing on the telephone.
* ...make snowflakes out of a whole roll of paper towels.
* ...need to use all the kitty litter to bury their poop.
* ...open all the presents before Christmas.
* ...open the breakfast muffins box and eat exactly one bite out of each.
* ...play "Charge of the Light Brigade" in the hallway at 3 a.m.
* ...play "find the mouse" on the bed at midnight.
* ...play attack cat in the middle of the night whenever the human rolls over.
* ...play hockey with a shampoo cap in the bathtub in the wee hours of the morning.
* ...play trapeze artist on the curtain rods.
* ...play with their new rubber ball in the bathtub at 3 a.m.
* ...pounce on the sheets and crawl under them when the human is making the bed.
* ...press the buttons when the human is on the phone.
* ...pull dirty socks out of the laundry basket and leave them on their human's pillow.
* ...push the VCR off the top of the TV.
* ...put their head in their human's mouth while he is trying to eat.
* ...put their tails and paws in places where they can be stepped on.
* ...re-arrange all area rugs on hardwood floors.
* ...refuse to eat their food until it has been piled into a pyramid shape.
* ...reset their human's alarm clock by walking on it.
* ...ride on the string mop while the human is cleaning the floor.
* ...shred the newspaper to keep it from attacking the human.
* ...shred the packaging on all prepackaged food so that they can do a taste test.
* ...sit on the human's hand and purr while she is using the computer.
* ...sit on the key marked "Del".
* ...sit on top of the kitchen cabinets and play vulture.
* ...sleep in the middle of the bed.
* ...sleep on their human's freshly washed and waxed car.
* ...sleep under the blanket on the couch so that people can sit on them.
* ...slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
* ...steal the human's Cheetos and leave them licked but not eaten on her bed.
* ...steal the olives/mushrooms/cheese off the human's pizza.
* ...steal the scrub pad from the sink and drag it all over the house.
* ...step in the human's open contact lens case.
* ...stick their paws under the bathroom door when it is closed and snag anything.
* ...stomp on the stereo remote and increase the sound level to 120 decibels.
* ...supervise the human who is working at the kitchen counter.
* ...supervise the painting of the guest room.
* ...teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.
* ...tear into the bag of cat food just to see if it the same as what is in their dish.
* ...toggle the human's word processor from insert to overtype mode.
* ...toss their poop out of the litter box and play hockey with it.
* ...track kitty litter all over the apartment.
* ...trip any human who is on the way to the kitchen.
* ...try to bat a sandwich or Fudgesicle out of the human's hand.
* ...try to dig to China from their litter box.
* ...try to nibble the comb or brush when their human grooms them.
* ...try to pick fights with cats looking into the house through a door or window.
* ...try to taste the gerbils when the human is holding one.
* ...turn on the toy train at 5 a.m. to watch it.
* ...turn over every glass just to watch the liuid pool.
* ...unroll all the toilet paper off the roll.
* ...use car windshields as slides when they have muddy feet.
* ...use perfume bottles for bowling pins.
* ...use the keyboard as a springboard trying to catch the pretty flashing cursor.
* ...use the ninja kitty paw strike to snag the human's dinner entree.
* ...wake the human at 3 a.m. for breakfast.
* ...whine (with their mouth full) if they get dry food instead of canned.