Thread: Dear Cat, Some House Rules .....

We spent a lot of money buying you very nice modern educating and entertaining cat toys - this means that when bored you should go play with those and not sit beside me crying for me to throw you a scrunched up paper ball, especially when I am on the phone with a client. I will not do that any more. OK one more time but then I'll only do it a few more times and that's it.

Just because I open the bedroom door it is not your queue to squeeze through and sneak under the bed.
You are not allowed to stay all night in bed with me. When the male-human-slave comes into the bedroom kindly do not go hide under the bed where he can't find you then jump back on with a satisfied smirk when he's given up trying to catch you and has started snoring.
You are heavy and I do need to move at night. At least kindly make an effort to be lighter so the circulation in my legs doesn't get cut. And wake up when I shake you to turn around. And stop hogging the blanket.

May be you should learn to turn the water tap yourself after all - going back and forth to the kitchen when you call for a drink is not manageable. At least try to drink from your bowl from time to time, the water is always fresh there and really does come from the same source.

Just because I open a pack of chicken breasts does not mean it's for you. Anyway it needs to be cooked first, then cooled down, so there is no point staying in my legs demanding Sheekan-now-now-now for half an hour.

If I say "what!?" it means I don't understand what you're demanding. You can stop meowing at me, and running away as soon as I approach. I-DO-NOT-UNDERSTAND! Here, have a paper ball.

Well I never got a chance to video Whiskey sliding around while holding onto Swifter. He's gotten too heavy and the cloth just tears right off when he grabs it.

Have to add another rule: Stay away from my Starbucks! I really don't need the top of my straw flattened as I like to gulp the stuff. Adding kitty slobber to the straw doesn't enhance the flavor either.

mmmmm straaawwww.... yummyyyyy!

When people come to visit, like Grandma, please be friendly and do not sit in a corner making the stink eye. (Mandy!)

I may be your "hoomin mommy" but kneading my neck with sharp claws may result in ejection from my lap. Likewise, licking and chewing or otherwise attempting to nurse any part of my body will not result in milk and will possibly give me hives. (Mandy!!)

Staring at me while I'm getting dressed is creepy. The sly "rrrowwwl" and purring that sometimes goes along with the stare is even worse. I really love my kitties, just not like that! (Merlin!)

If its below zero, you can't go outside and expect to be comfortable. Additionally, the temperature will not be magically 50 degrees higher in the next five minutes, or even the next five months for that matter-so stop checking. (Sampson!!)

You cannot fly, but I admire your self esteem and never-give-up spirit. (Rose!)

oh yeah, right up there with you about the flying! also trying to go through chair legs knocking them over in the process and spooking oneself too as they go bang unexpectedly when they fall.... you know.... more speed, less haste is what I says...