Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends?

**daisychopper** · 18th October 2011, 06:35 AM

Hello, everyone!

I come to you, like many, for advice. I read through the forums trying to find a similar topic, but I didn't have any luck. I am generally neutral toward cats, and they're generally neutral toward me.

Until this one. Here's my story:

Back in July, I started dating a woman who owns an eleven year old Maine Coon. She assures me he's very friendly, and at first blush this appears true. So, we get on as I usually do with cats - a pat here, a pat there, but we generally ignore one another.<br><br>When I first started staying over her place for the night, the cat would not leave us alone. He would meow, constantly, while we were in bed trying to sleep, wherever he was in the room; sometimes by the door, sometimes on the bed, sometimes on my chest, directly into my face. This is not typically how I like to be woken at 3 am, but I've been more or less civil. I did shove him off the bed once.

During the day, it's the usual routine; he doesn't run from me, try to scratch me, hiss at me, or otherwise show signs of fear/discontent. I pat him if he comes over, ignore him if he doesn't. But once we try to go to sleep, he apparently has quite a bit to say. Girlfriend says he doesn't do this when I'm not around, and he's never done it around anyone else before.

Aren't I special?

So anyway, we start spending the night at my place more often, thinking we'll give him a break and sorta introduce me more slowly. It's not very often, though. He was fine for the first couple of times we did this, but recently he's taken to peeing on the carpet just after the foyer when she's gone overnight. I think he's done it three times now. The meowing at night is annoying, but this is rather problematic.

I'm not sure how much I am contributing to the peeing problem; as I said, I'm generally indifferent toward him, and obviously I'm not there when he pees. But, if there's anything I can do to help her out, I would like to at least try.

Any advice you can give is greatly appreciated.

**jckkerrison** · 18th October 2011, 08:35 AM

The problem could lie with that one word,you are "indifferent" towards him,one thing you can't be especially a MC & also coming into play here is the one thing why I believe all animals should have their own space & you yours,jealousy...
My daughters MC has just had to get used to a new partner after 10yrs with her other dad,he straight away took on doing as much for the cat as he could but their biggest bonding session came at night when he took cat & her supper up to the cats bedroom had cuddles & a play put her food down shut the door & left,no noses out of joint because he was in the "cats place".She now adores her new dad so much that daughter & partner can't sit together on the sofa without cat inbetween them but that is a bearable situation to be in. The peeing on the carpet is his way of showing his disapproval of the whole situation of being left.
Think you have all got to go right back to basics here,is there somewhere he could be put on his own at night if so you say goodnight & go & let his mum put him to bed then she shuts the door & goes to bed,get them both used to having their own space at night,when you come in speak to him first,if he has favourite treats give him a couple with a good boy cuddle,have a play with him,don't ignore him,if he would accept being shut up on his own at night it would make no difference that you then stayed over,no jealousy to get in the way. These cats are pretty bright & you are taking his "Mum" away from him as far as he is concerened so show him you are including him in everything as well,even if it does end up he comes to bed with you both...Good luck x

**cooncatbob** · 18th October 2011, 06:49 PM

The way to a woman's heart is through her cat, if you want this relationship to go forward you need to win this cat's heart.
With a Maine Coon this isn't difficult, you need to play and gently groom him and giving him some yummy treats wouldn't hurt either.
My ex and I were a ordinary couple but Samantha my Blue Torbie Maine Coon was breathtakingly beautiful , she was indifferent to my ex but devoted to her Papa me.
Instead of putting the effort forth to win Samantha's heart my ex took in a stray, we didn't know about proper introducing techniques and as a results the 2 cats were never friends which was sad.
This lead to further friction and my ex finally leaving, she left the cat behind, the two cats maintained a uneasy truce for 10 years until Samantha passed away at 16 this past May, the stray Chiquita is happier being an only child and has blossomed.

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